Navigating Tough Transitions

Life transitions can be a real struggle and it's not always easy when we don't know the timeline of things. Uncertainty, self-doubt, and despair can move in pretty quick.

Today I'm talking all about transitions, what are they, why they are temporary, and most importantly how you can best navigate them and move forward.

Find more resources over at SarahSteckler.com

Come say hi on Instagram @sarahsteckler

Transcript

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You're listening to Episode 205 of The Mindful Productivity Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Steckler. This week, we're going to be talking all about navigating tough transitions. Whether you're moving, you've had some hard news, you're grieving something that's changing in your life, making big business decisions, or you just really don't know what comes next after the last chapter in your life, stay tuned because I want to talk about this. I want to talk about some mindful resources, tips and tools that you can use to get through it, how to move forward. I'll talk a little bit about my experience going through so many different transitions, especially this year. If you're feeling stuck, wondering what comes next, or beating yourself up going, Why am I feeling this way? And why is my energy all the way gone? Then keep on listening because I think you're going to find this episode informative, validating, and both inspirational and quite helpful. So let's go ahead and dive in. Welcome to the Mindful Productivity Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Steckler, and this is the place to be to live a more mindful and productive life. If you're ready to turn daily chaos into calm and start your days with intention, then get ready to join me as we dive deep into mindful living and personal productivity. It's time to connect with your true self so you can live the life you want to live. And it all starts now. Welcome back to the podcast, friends. It has been a hot minute. If you're a regular listener, then I've been MIA this year, but I don't want to spend a ton of time talking about that. Instead, I thought it'd be fun to welcome back to the podcast and spend this episode talking about what it means to navigate tough transitions. Jumping in full force, I want to talk a little bit about what it means to go through a transition. I think there's going to be a lot of self-judgment with this because I know that whenever I'm struggling, I often compare myself to others or I will minimize things and say, Well, this thing I'm going through isn't as bad as somebody else. But I want you to put all that talk aside if you can. Really, during this episode, as you're thinking about your own situation, I want you to really acknowledge that what you're going through is tough and difficult for you. That is enough of a reason to spend some time working through it and acknowledging what you need. Any transition that you're going through, and I won't speak to a ton of specifics because you know what you're going through and you know how it feels, but I will briefly share that this year we moved and it has been a lot. I thought I'd be able to bounce back and get going. But instead, I found myself in the longest, deepest, toughest burnout of my life yet. I had skill regression. I could not sleep and then or I could sleep for a long period of time. I found it difficult to do all kinds of things. I was looking at past things I created in my business and I literally could not understand them. I was looking at things I had created and going, who made this? Because I have no idea how I'm going to do this, how I'm going to teach some of these things again. And it was rough. And from about January of this year until I'd say mid July, so about six, seven months, I couldn't really work. There were things I could do here and there, but my business took a halt. Now, luckily, I have a husband and we're a family unit and we have a roof over our head. And I was able to pause working. But I can say that it definitely took a toll financially. It would be great if I had been working. Not ideal. So that's what I've been dealing with. I don't want to go into a whole bunch of detail about burnout specifically because I'm not an expert in that. I'm still navigating and diagnosing and trying to figure out what was the root cause of my burnout. And that's been something I've been exploring my whole life as I look into all kinds of stuff. And so I don't want to dive too deep into that or give any blanket advice about burnout because it's really unique and my experience is completely anecdotal. And so I don't want to go through this experience, turn around, and then be like, Here's how you can get through it, because that's I don't really know yet. I'm still working my way out of it. But I will say that it was really alarming. It was frustrating. It was filled with a lot of tears. It was filled with tons of migraines and a level of a fatigue and exhaustion that had me seriously wondering, was there something else going on with me? I went in for blood work and all that came back normal. And I was just convinced that there must be something I'm experiencing beyond burnout for me to feel this tired and this fatigued. What I will say that helped, and what's frustrating is that this is not accessible for most people, was that it required a lot of rest, a lot of rest. And when I say rest, I mean laying in bed and sleeping, but also laying in bed and doing nothing. There were times when I wanted to do stuff. I wanted to have the energy to journal or write or plan or even play Animal Crossing on my Switch, but I couldn't. I couldn't even think about what brainpower it would take to even navigate my Animal Crossing Island or remember how to terraform. I mean, that is the level of exhaustion I was at. So reading books didn't happen. I did watch a lot of reality TV, stuff that was very, very surface level and didn't require a lot of thinking. My brain would just feel decimated if I tried to do much with it. So it was a lot of literally staring at the wall. I don't know how else to explain it. That was completely what it felt like. And the entire seven months wasn't quite like that. I would have days that were better than others. But for the most part, yeah, it was really, really tough. And it also led to things like the kitchen being a complete disaster. I sent photos to my friends of the state of in the kitchen and even had a friend fly out to help me when after I'd moved for a couple of days and just helped me get some basic stuff together, took me out to dinner, helped me cook meals, helped me make decisions about what to unpack and where because it was just such a major struggle. So I'm very grateful for the support I received from my friends and family near and far. But looking back, I thought it would be interesting or maybe helpful to talk a little bit about transitions and not just burnout, but when we're going through something in life that's very different than the norm that we're used to, it can feel really, really hard. I remember one of the biggest transitions I remember going through was the first year I went to college, and I was so excited to leave my mom's house and live in a dorm with a roommate and have a lot more freedom, quote-unquote, from the responsibilities of living with my parents, but quickly realized that I missed home a lot and I had a really hard time adapting the first six months that I was away at school. I didn't tell anyone that I was having a hard time, but there were tons of tears and I desperately wanted to quit college and just run back home immediately many, many times. But I thought we would jump in to just talking a little bit more about this. So when it comes to transitions, I want to point out some things that are just really, really important because I think it can be so common, like I said, to almost gaslight ourselves and be like, my struggle is not that hard, or I shouldn't be having a hard time, or I've done stuff like this before. What's wrong with me? But self judgment, all that stuff really doesn't help. And you need to allow yourself to struggle. And that's my first point is allowing yourself to struggle. If your leg stopped working all of a sudden or you noticed that after a certain amount of steps per day, your legs didn't work anymore, you wouldn't be like, Oh, my gosh, stupid legs. What's wrong with you? You would probably go to the doctor. Your spouse, your partner, your friends, your family would probably be like, Whoa, do you need help getting around? What's going on? We should go get this tested. See if this is permanent. See if there's something else going on. What is happening? What's frustrating about transitions or mental health stuff is that it's not visible and it's not in this tangible form. Other people don't see it unless you let them see it. That's a very vulnerable, tough thing, as we all know. Then also we judge ourselves because it's not tangible. Again, if your legs stop working, you wouldn't just be like, I don't know why. If you were trying to run a marathon every day and you were like, I don't know why. They're just so tired. You wouldn't just keep pushing. Hopefully, you would figure out what's going on. The same thing needs to happen with your mental health and when you're going through something tough. Allow yourself to struggle and allow and acknowledge that you are struggling. That is point number one. The second thing I want to mention is that transitions are temporary. Now, that doesn't mean that they're going to be short or fleeting all the time. Sometimes they may last longer than the ideal temp time frame, weeks, months, maybe even a year or more. But they are temporary because essentially they're taking us from where we were to where we are or where we're going to be. A great example of this, a personal example, is back in 2017, my husband and I found out that due to a lot of different reasons and circumstances, we would need to spend two and a half years apart. He would have to stay in Italy overseas at his duty station, and I was going to come back to the Pacific Northwest. It was devastating and really tough, let me tell you. And even though he was able to visit several times at the longest period of time, we were apart for a full year. Now, we did get to talk on Voxer and do calls, but this also bled into the pandemic. And there was a period of time when we didn't even know when that two and a half years was actually going to end. And it was really, really stressful. When I was in it and right before it, I thought that it would be forever. I thought we'd never get through it. But it was a transition and it was temporary. We did get through it. Would I do it again if we had to? Yes. Did it suck? Absolutely. But we navigated it. I think it's important to remember and to even take time, even if you want to pause this, to look back in your life and think about the different things that you've done that have been really hard that you thought there was no way you could do them and look back for the evidence that you did, in fact, get through them. That is building self-advocacy and it's trusting in yourself. And it's also reminding yourself that you don't want to think too far ahead in things. Don't try to make decisions for things that are going to happen weeks or months from now. If you don't even know how stressful they're going to or how you're going to feel, you can take things one day at a time. Remember that you can trust yourself in that process. Whatever moment you're in when you're in it, no matter how stressed or anxious or overwhelmed you may be, you are going to have the ability to make decisions to better your life and help yourself. There's always going to be support that you can find around you. I think that's just so important to remember because life is really shitty sometimes and really tough. We don't want to have to go through tough times, but you will get through it. Again, just remembering the transitions are temporary. Before you know it, sometimes things are going to feel more normal than you realize. The other thing I want to talk about is that discomfort doesn't have to equal misery. So just because you're uncomfortable in a new situation doesn't mean that you're miserable. I will paint a narrative for myself when I'm in a new situation or I have no idea. For example, every time we move, I never know how to get anywhere. I don't know where things are. I get lost on freeways or I take the wrong turn. And sometimes it can take me like 30 extra minutes to get somewhere to get back home. And it's exhausting. It's frustrating, especially when you're still unpacking a house and all these things. But just because I'm uncomfortable or frustrated doesn't mean that I'm miserable. And this helps shift the narrative in my brain because it's really easy to start piling on reasons why you're unhappy. I'm unhappy because of this and that and the other. While those things may all be true, it's really easy to try to convince yourself that you're miserable and that life sucks and that everything is awful. When really, it's also important to take time to look at the things around you that are not so bad and to take time to be grateful for the things that you do have. For example, we moved, and even though I much prefer the Pacific Northwest, sorry, California, to Southern California, weather-wise and all other reasons. I had to take a look at what we have here. We now live in a house, which is really nice, the biggest house we've ever lived in as a married couple. We have a fenced-in backyard for our Bulldog, Bella, and our cat, and they love going out there all the time. We have central air conditioning, which is clutch. We did not have that in the Pacific Northwest, and it was sweltering during the heat wave. There's different things that I get to collect and say things aren't that bad. And there's always going to be trade offs. If you're going from one space to a new space, whatever that transition is in your life, there's going to be a trade off. Trade off between before you had kids and after you had kids, before you started a business and after, like before this new job, during the new job. There's going to be trade offs. You're never going to have everything that you want all at once. I don't know who said that quote, but I always love that. You can have everything you want in your life, just not all at once. I think it's something like that. And it's somewhat true. So discomfort doesn't have to equal misery. Also, your new normal is likely closer than you think. You'd be surprised how quickly you can adapt to things. I remember when we first moved here, even though I've moved so many times, I was like, Oh, my gosh, I'm never, ever going to remember how to get onto all these different freeways and remember how to get to the grocery store. I don't know if you've ever seen that SNL skit, the California's, but it's extra funny now because of how they talk about all the different freeways. Oh, my God. You have to get on this and then go there. You have to get on this and south and east and you have to go left to go right. It's like so true. I always laugh whenever I rewatch that skit now. But now I'm really surprised that I do actually have a map in my brain and I can actually get places without using my GPS all the time and things are feeling a little bit more normal. Eventually, when I do move away from this place, there's things I'll miss and there's things that will be weird going back. It's like if you ever go to a new country for a while and come back, you have that reverse culture shock of coming back to your own country. It's similar like that. There's also going to be the grieving what was phase where you're adapting and you're getting used to this new phase of your life. Again, these can be so many different things. But there's that feeling of nostalgia and rumination and like, Oh, life was so much better. The classic, mythical past. The truth is that everything in your life, there's going to be opportunity for happiness in every chapter of your life. You can't even guarantee that if your life had never changed or if this transition had never happened, that you wouldn't ever feel uncomfortable again. I think that's a fallacy, a myth that we tell ourselves, right? Well, if I never had to move or if I never got out of that relationship or if this never happened, I wouldn't be feeling how I feel now. That's just not true. You're going to have so many highs and lows and ups and downs in your life. The goal is not to avoid all this discomfort, but to learn how to navigate it. I thought it'd be helpful also to talk about things that have helped me transition from one thing to another. And the first thing is making lists of lots of things. So I know I said that you don't want to pile on a ton of stuff and reasons that you're upset, but I think there's also a time and a space for acknowledging that. So there's acknowledging how you feel, but not staying there forever. And for me at least, making lists is great. Writing things down on paper, sometimes even like throwing that paper in a bonfire afterwards with a good beverage can be really nice. But make a list of things that you miss or that bother you or that you dislike, make those lists and get really clear on what is actually bothering you. Because sometimes we feel a lot of discomfort and uncertainty in a new transition, and we can vocalize that to our friends and family. But when it comes down to it, we don't actually know what are the specific things that are making us feel uncomfortable. And a lot of times, too, in doing that, going through that process, you can start to see, well, I'm feeling really worn out or this or that. And then you can realize, oh, well, maybe that means I need more sleep right now. Or maybe that means I need to go see some more friends or go do something fun more often or get back into said hobby or, hey, I haven't went on my daily walks for a while. Maybe that's something I need to do again. So making these lists can help you understand that. I think it's really important to get that out and to really acknowledge those things within yourself. Also, start thinking of comforting activities that you can do for yourself to help you transition. So every time that I've ever driven cross country or done a move, my Bulldog is very, very particular about specific things. I always do my best to have both comforting routines for her, but also some of her favorite comforting items. So no matter where we go, because she's my little princess potato dumpling and I love her forever times the moon, wherever we go, she always has a special blanket that I put over my lap and she gets leggies and lays on top of me. And then she always has a stuffed lambie and I usually get her one of those Himalayan bone Chewies. And we have a whole thing. I'm going to say this word and she's going to look at me. But she also really likes dried sweet potatoes. If I even say sweet potatoes or SP, she knows exactly what I'm talking about. Luckily, I think she's sleeping. She didn't hear me. But she'll start clawing at me if she hears that. But I have these things and no matter where we go, no matter what hotel we sleep in or where we are, those things are always a constant for her. It's really cute because when she's and feels safe, she'll grab her lammy and it's like a banky and we call it Lammy-ing. It's so cute. I know that when she does that, she feels comforted. Think about things in your own life that can be comforting for you. I don't care how silly or childish you may think they are. If they're comforting to you, then make it happen. I've seen people that bring a special little tiny, like Squishmallow with them everywhere, and they call it their emotional support, Squishmallow, and they bring it to a coffee shop or whatever. Cool. Do it. I think it's really nice to have something that becomes a constant. It's almost like having a totem like in the movie Inception to know that you're in your reality and that you have more in control than you think. The other thing worth mentioning is to start back up with some hobbies, whether it's a good classic one you love or something new, a project, something that's going to get you physically moving and busy, tangible with your hands because you can't think your way out of a lot of different things. There's going to be times when you have discomfort or you're waiting for test results or you name it where you don't feel like you have any control of the situation and it sucks and you feel helpless, get your body moving into something malleable that you do have control over, that you can lose your mind in for a little bit. So for me, this is journaling, planning, paint by numbers, puzzles. Recently, I went to Michaels and bought some clay that you can bake in the oven. And I made these cute little clay ghosties and put Mudge Podge over them and painted them. Do something to get yourself distracted. Healthy distractions are great. Start going on walks, start listening to podcasts, go to your local library, get into some books, just do something so that you give yourself a reprieve from constantly overthinking about whatever it is that you're going through. And then in terms of moving forward with your transition, I want you to come back to acknowledging what you're working through and acknowledge that you're overcoming something difficult and huge. And I think this can be really, really helpful because so often we don't realize how far we've come. It reminds me of in elementary school, I can't remember which grade this was, but one of my teachers, she had this reading worm that the goal was to wrap around the classroom. Basically, it was just cardboard or construction paper and she had all these printouts. Whenever someone finished reading a book, she would add another piece of paper to this worm that was stapled up across the classroom. We never thought we were going to make it across the classroom because once we did, I think we got a pizza party or something. Sure enough, it really didn't take that long. One piece of paper, one book after another, the worm kept growing and we'd be so excited. Before we knew it, we had our pizza party from reading all these books. And so sometimes using a tracker or just checking in with yourself or asking yourself regular questions like, How am I feeling today? Or, What's my mood? Or, What's my level at? Or if I had to give today a rating between one and five, where would I put it? And track your progress for a month and see where you get because you'd be surprised what becomes the new baseline for you. And if you notice that it's just continually going downhill and things are not improving, then you can feel then you can be like, okay, well, I need I need more help. I need more support. So doing those things can be really, really helpful. And again, just that reminder to check your narrative to avoid catastrophizing things when you're thinking about the future or your current situation and to get back to the reality, like bring yourself back to the present moment. I'm in my body right now. I'm breathing. I'm sitting, I'm standing, I'm laying down, whatever. Here's five colors I can see around me. Here's what I smell. Here's what I taste. Here's something I want to do. Here's a movie I'd like to see. Here's something I'm excited about. Here's something I'm struggling with. Get really clear on what's happening, but also really what's in the tangible world around you. My Bulldog's in my lap. There's a book to my left. The lights are on, the lights are off, whatever. You'd be surprised how helpful that is and kind of like re-centering ourselves. Whatever transition you happen to be going through right now, whether it's personal or business, you're making big changes. I just want to say that you can get through this. You can get support. You can struggle, but also realize that there are absolutely things you can do. Because I know it can feel easy sometimes to have this ongoing pity party and feel like we're wallowing in self-doubt and we don't know what to do. If you do find that you're in that place and you don't know how to get out, then please do reach out for support, family, friends, counseling, you name it. Even sometimes reading books can be really helpful with that. Even though this doesn't solve your transition or make it go by any faster. I just want to let you know that you're not alone. There are people most likely going through something similar and you will get through it. At some point in the near future, you may remember this podcast episode and be like, Oh, she was right. It did have an end because transitions are temporary. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of the podcast. I hope it was enjoyable. If you'd like to find more resources about mindfulness and productivity, planner publishing, and so much more, make sure that you head on over to sarahsteckler.com and find some resources there. Otherwise, I'm over on Instagram @sarahsteckler. You can always come by, tag me, say hello. I'd love to know that you're a listener. All right, see you next week.