Cozy Convos: Different ways to show up, where we give our energy, permission to not engage

We're back with another Cozy Conversation! This week I'm talking about:

• The mindset and perspective shift I had recently that got me into 6 different summits & bundles
• Where we give our energy to and the power of not engaging
• Running your business your way
• What we actually need to hear to do the things we know we need to do

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Transcript

1:54

You are listening to episode 199 199 of the Mindful Productivity podcast. I'm your host Sarah Steckler and I'm coming back to you with another cozy conversation. This week. I did want an episode 198 and got so much great feedback from all of you that you really loved and enjoyed the episode. And I also got some wonderful messages and DMs from some of you on Instagram over at Sarah Steckler where you sent me a photo of you on a walk or you with your dog and the view you had and I loved it. So if you're ever listening to this podcast and you are on a walk or you're doing something, I would love to know what you're doing right, because again, it's this one sided conversation. So today I thought it would be fun to talk about some mindset shifts, some just perspective shifts that I've had over the summer and moving forward and I wanted to share them with you and see if it's something that you might find helpful. And some of these have to do with business, some of these have to do with life and like where we give our energy and I'd love to hear if you relate. So let's go ahead and jump into this week's episode, shall we? Welcome to the mindful productivity podcast. I'm your host Sarah Steckler, and this is the place to be, to live a more mindful and productive life. If you're ready to turn daily chaos into calm and start your days with intention, then get ready to join me. As we dive deep into mindful living and personal productivity. It's time to connect with your true self so you can live the life you want to live. And it all starts now. Welcome back to the podcast. I hope you're doing well today. I have been thinking a lot lately about the power we're just jumping right in with, by the way, nothing else to tell you, we're just having a conversation right away. I've been thinking a lot about the power of one thing and before you run away, I'm not talking about like one offer in your business and nothing else. They're like, no, I mean the power of choosing something to go not even all in on, but just choosing something and giving a lot of energy to it consistently. And here's what I mean, see if I can explain this better. For example, I this year am like, what if moving into Q Four and into the new year, I'm like, man, what if I really focused on marketing? We're only focused on marketing. That's the place. I've always lacked the biggest skill, right, or the biggest effort. And that's my biggest issue in my business, is just getting in front of more of the right people that want what I sell and what I offer, right? And I was like, man, what have you just put in all your effort for that? And so I've been doing that the last three weeks, I gave myself this goal of apply to every single bundle that you come across. Apply to every single bundle. And don't just, like, apply and assume that you're not going to get in. Apply in a way that makes sense. Give it your all right, make sure that what you're doing makes sense for what you're applying for. Don't just halfass it, right? Not that I've halfassed stuff in my business, but it's almost like there's this bigger intention behind it. And so I did that. I've been applying to Summits and really think, like, really, instead of just thinking, because I think we have a tendency to do this as business owners, as people, as humans, we want to do something. We're like, oh, well, what can I get out of it? What can I get out of it? And instead of doing that, I started thinking, what can I give? Like, why would someone want to have me in their summit? What can I blow them away with? What can I offer this summit, this bundle, whatever that is, not only perfectly aligned with the intention of what they want to do, like, whatever the theme of it is, but also just so top tier, best of my energy. And so that's what I've been doing. I've been applying with that kind of intention, and I've been blown away that I've been accepted into, like, five or six different bundles, like, every single one. And there was a couple, like, six months ago that I didn't get into, and I was like and I've just been blown away. The feedback I've been getting right away is like, oh, my God, this is perfect. And what a difference it makes when you just kind of shift that in yourself. You shift the, what can I get out of this? Is this worth my time? Is this worth my energy? And instead go, what can I give to this? What can I really contribute? It was just a whole different shift in how I presented myself, how I presented what I could bring to the table. And that changed a lot, right? And I think that's true for so many things. You can bring that same I always used to bring that same energy to interviews when I'd apply for jobs, and more often than not, I would get a call back, right? And unless it was right after college in 2009, when there was horrible economic crisis and it took me six months to get a job at Pizza Hut. But beyond that, I thought that was really interesting. And I was also talking to my counselor this morning about not only that, but also about where we give our energy. And again. We have these realizations. And then you say them out loud to other people. And it doesn't really sound that profound or it sounds like something that most people probably already know or have a hold of. But it's so completely different when you come to that realization yourself. Or it's like. It just clicks in your mind and you're like. Oh. I get it. I get it now. And that's kind of where I've been with a couple of things. And anyway, I was explained to her how there's been certain things that have happened in my life, or certain experiences where I don't like how something is handled, or I don't even like how I'm treated necessarily. And I find it really interesting that. For example. In my early twenty s and I'm embarrassed to not admit this. But I'm embarrassed that I used to be like this. Because in my early 20s. If someone had a different opinion than me. If someone wanted to argue or wanted to fight or wanted to have a disagreement. I was all in like. Yeah. You didn't even have to invite me to the conversation. I was there. You have a different opinion than me. Let me tell you what my opinion is. You think differently about the world. Let me tell you how I think. And almost to this, not entirely always aggressively so, but it was just so interesting. And I think that's part of developing is that you start to understand that you have your own opinions and your own thoughts about things, and you want to be loud and you want to be vocal, and also there's nothing wrong with that. However, what I started noticing over time was that it started pushing me into this really bitter place. Because the more I realized that I didn't agree with people, it was like I didn't realize that I didn't have to just because I disagreed with someone. I didn't have to show up and defend my point of view. But I thought I did. In my early twenty s, I thought I did. I thought that every single time I disagree with someone that in order to assert my boundaries and in order to be like a confident woman, and then in order to assert myself and not back down, I had to attend every invitation that I got to engage. And slowly over the last decade or so, I've realized more and more that is not true. And I mean, you can live that way, but boy, you don't have to. And there is a piece that I have been finding in choosing to not engage. And what I mean by that is there's a difference. It doesn't mean that I let people walk all over me at all. But what it does mean is that even if someone is treating me poorly online or an extended family member or whatever, I no longer feel the need to explain myself to them to justify why they crossed the boundary. It's kind of like that meme with Homer Simpson where he just kind of backs into the bushes. That's what I'll do. If I am treated in a way that is unacceptable for me and my boundaries and my personal well being operate, I will just leave. And there are times when I will call people out, absolutely. But it's hard to explain. I think you probably know what I mean. But I just no longer am putting effort in there no longer putting effort in explaining myself. And I'm getting to a point with this, by the way. No longer putting an effort to feel like people understand where I'm coming from. I'm okay. If people have a different view of me that is possibly incorrect or not how I would prefer for them to view me, that's fine. And likewise, there's also been the knowledge that it's so possible that I have perceptions of other people that are totally not true, right? Because I met someone at the worst time or in a place in their life where they were going through something that they wouldn't have been able to explain to me, and I wouldn't have believed or whatever, that's not a representation of them as a whole person. Like, understanding that more, because we hear that. We read that, we think that, we know that. But in really understanding that more from this very introspective place, there's a huge amount of peace that's washed over me just being able to let go and move forward with a lot of things, not needing closure, not needing an apology. That doesn't mean that people can come back into my life or hang out with me again or whatever, but it does mean that I get to move forward without that hanging on to me. And people say this in so many different ways. What that's also given to me in my business is no longer this transcends into that, right? Because no longer do I feel like I need to explain myself or my business. And Elizabeth Goddard actually talked about something similar while back, about how I love the way she runs her business. She has multiple offers, all kinds of stuff. And she recently was talking about I think she was like a video from one of her programs that she sent out. I don't know if it's going to be available forever or whatever, but she dropped it in her group, and it was so good. And one of the things she said was like, I don't have to explain my business model to anyone because it's not something that everyone's going to understand, and it just works for me. And so I'm just going to do it in so many words. And I loved when I heard her say that because I was like, oh, man, I'm coming to a very similar realization with my life and my business, too, and I feel like for a long time, because so much of this is new. You ever think about that? How new running an online business is? It's so new. This is very new. We're all just navigating this and pretending like we're experts, right? Like no one knows. And I feel like for a while I'll share my experience. I don't speak for everyone. For a while I felt shamed in my business because I couldn't just choose one thing if you didn't have one main offer. And I've joined quite a few expensive online programs that just instilled that in you. And if you questioned it, it was like, well then you should leave or you're just not doing it right or you're never going to succeed. And every industry has something like that, right? Every field, every industry. If you don't work out like this and you'll never get your fitness goals, if you don't eat like this, you'll never be healthy, or if you don't, whatever. There's always something. And I remember just feeling like for the longest time, like spending so much time trying to niche down and find this one thing. And I've just come to this piece lately that it's like, no, you can really do things your own way and you don't need to explain it to people. You can show up for your audience and your business and you can create community. And if that community understands you and gets what you're doing and jives with it, you can be successful. I'll leave it at that. It can be simple in that way. The last thing I'll leave you with is I was having a conversation with one of my best friends the other day and she's just now kind of getting into podcasts, going on walks and being like, oh my god, podcasts are really fun. Wow, there are podcasts about everything, dating and everything. I'm like, yeah, right. True crime. It's fun. And she was like, I'm really enjoying podcasts and not being on TikTok so much. And I was agreeing and she's like, she's like, I'm wanting to better myself and improve some different aspects of my life. And sometimes I listen to these podcasts and they just give this really trite advice that I already know, but they're acting like it's like the bee's knees. Like it's this brand new information, but I already know it. And everything we ever talk about online, it's new to somebody, right? Somebody's going to hear something for the first time. It's like when you're a kid and you hear a joke that has been repeated for decades, but you think it's the funniest thing you've ever heard in your life. You have to go home and tell your parents. And they're like, yeah, it's crazy, isn't it? Anyway, what she was saying is she's like, I'm tired of these podcasts. I keep finding that. Just keep spewing out the same kind of advice. Make sure you're going on walks, get enough water. Like, you know, like, you can meditate, you can do this. Like, yeah, okay, yeah. And I said, well, I said, you know, there is something to be said about the reminders and actually how we complicate everything as human beings, right? We want there to be some new novel piece of advice. That man. So we can feel like, oh, if I'd only known this 15 years ago, I would be reaching this goal I've been wanting to reach my whole life, right? And the reason why I didn't was because I didn't know, right? So that kind of takes away our autonomy or ownership of something. It's like, Well, I didn't know that, and had I known that, everything would have been different, right? So the onus is on, the not knowing. However, most things in life can really be broken down into basic, small, stupid, boring, mundane things that we do every day that add to our longevity, our health, our wellness, whatever. They're the dumb things. The getting enough sleep, drink and water, moving our bodies, managing our mental health, having good community and relationships. All these things. Look up blue zones, right? What are all the things that people do to live well into their eighty s and ninety s? But those are boring. We want something different. We want a quick fix. We want something right? I think it's why, unfortunately, there's a lot of conspiracy stuff out there or toxic spirituality stuff that gets a lot of people they got me when I was younger. Because you want something mystical, magical, to show you the way. Like, if only I'd known this. Like, oh, everybody knew this about the love attraction or the secret, right? Sorry about all that bullshit. We can be captured by stuff like that because it provides another avenue where we weren't responsible for what we didn't have or what we wanted, and we didn't feel like it was possible for us because we didn't have this information, right? And please understand that that's not to say that we're responsible for everything, because we're certainly not. I remember feeling many years ago like every thought I had was indicative of the experience I was having, or certain bad things happen to me, or I had depression because I was thinking a certain way, or I wasn't aligned with something spiritual. I mean, just very toxic, scary stuff that is not true and so dangerous. And if you haven't listened to the Conspiraciality podcast yet, go check it out, because they dissect all this stuff and cults and blah, blah, blah. And it's very fascinating. Big tangent. But all that is to say that we were talking, my friend and I, and she said, you know, what I really need is not more advice, but rather more conversations around the things that I already know to be true. More conversations around things that get me motivated, things that inspire me. And I was like, yeah, we kind of all need more pep talks. We need to have more community engagement. Engagement with our friends, our family, our spouse, our partner, whatever. Talking about the things that we already know, but how we can do them and how we can do them consistently and create them. And so I think that's one of the reasons why community is so important. It's one of the things I want to cultivate more of moving forward, both in my business and my personal life. And you just really need to have these dialogues continually on in your head that if you want to take care of yourself. If you want to expand your business or whatever creative project or passion you have in your life. It's not so much that you need more and more information. It's that you need more reminders to feel like tethered and excited and motivated about doing those things. And obviously, we can't rely on motivation alone to do things. There will be times when we just have to do things and we don't want to or we don't feel motivated. But there's a lot to be said around building ourselves up with conversations and community to get us back to doing basic things that we know work, right? For example, like showing up in your business, making sure you're talking about your products and your offers and the ways that you help people. All those things are true. But sometimes we may wish there was another way, right? I think it's why we get caught up in courses about TikTok or the algorithm or how to get a viral post on Instagram, because if we could just do less of that, less effort, and we could just find some magical way to make it all work, wouldn't that be great? But the truth is that everything there are always exceptions, right? Because of money, privilege, status, whatever. Most of the things that I found that I want in my life are obtained with slow, steady, sustainable pacing. Not the most exciting thing, but it is true. So I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Another cozy combo. I think I'm going to actually start creating some more structured shows. There are some exciting things about notion I want to start talking to you about again and productivity and some new things I'm doing in the back end of my business and how I am focusing a little bit on a couple of things. So I will be sharing that with you moving forward. But come say hello on Instagram. If you've been listening, you can always tag me in your stories or send me a DM. I'm at Sarah Steckler and likewise you can find more resources and fun stuff. Planner, publishing guide, all kinds of things by going over Sarah Steckler.com. All right, I hope you have a wonderful week ahead. Thank you so much for listening to me ramble. I hope it was helpful and I will talk to you next week. It's going to be episode 200. Can you believe it? Bye, you.